Over the course of your life, you learned how to be you. You did this by taking in both verbal and nonverbal information from your environment and the people around you. If you were lucky you were told that you’re pretty, smart, popular, or funny. If you were surrounded by critical, judgmental people you might have heard that you’re lazy, unattractive, weird, or a nuisance. When you’re young you don’t really question these external perceptions, in part because they come from people you trust and also because when you hear something often enough you really do believe it.
You also learned from role models about the world and how to exist in it You took in lessons about relating, love, marriage, friendship, and how to be a citizen in your community. Role modeling is a powerful influence and deeply informs how you believe the world works. If you witnessed sacrifice as part of how people love each other, you’ll feel that being in a loving relationship means giving up parts of yourself. If you saw your role models cut friends off after a misunderstanding, you may have some of the same tendencies. You learned that this is how things are done. This digested and internalized information shapes your belief systems and how you experience the world now as an adult.
Although some of these beliefs and self-perceptions are challenged and shift throughout life, we all continue to exist under the some of the spells from our childhood messaging. They are spells because they have been cast on you without your awareness, and when there is no awareness there is no opportunity for breaking them. These spells are dangerous because they pull you in directions that aren’t in your best interest and drive your choices in ways that may not serve your greater good. Uncovering your spells is like breaking free of brainwashing. You’ve been conditioned (intentionally or unintentionally) to believe things without any real evidence that they are true.
Breaking a spell takes courage and strength. Beliefs are strong and sturdy; similar to habits, they have to be broken many times before they actually fall away. Unlike the spells you’ve watched or read about in fairy tales, you don’t have to depend on someone else to come along and rescue you. The spells you are under are not curses, they are a natural byproduct of your developmental process. Breaking your spells will awaken you to the reality of who you are, how you need to live, and how to relate to the world around you.
While there are many spells that can be cast, there are three that haunt almost everyone.
The spell of perfectionism
“I need to be perfect to find love.”
The need to be perfect has its source in upbringing and in modern culture. It often stems from a strong need to please others and to find approval from the external world. Many of us are under a spell that tricks us into believing that if we aren’t perfect we’re bad. Realizing that there is no such thing as “perfect” and that so much beauty is found in imperfection will help you begin to break this spell.
The spell of unworthiness
“My worth is a reflection of my success.”
This spell teaches us that self-worth comes from what we accomplish and how successful we are. The truth is that real self-worth comes from knowing that you belong and that you matter. When we feel important to other people because of who we are instead of what we offer we can know the real feeling of self-worth. Begin breaking this spell by getting connected to your value as a human being, and be sure that this value is acknowledged by the people you spend time with.
The spell of self-doubt
“I’m not sure if I’m capable of living my dream.”
The spell of self-doubt is one of the most debilitating and painful because it blocks you from going after the life you deserve. The spell of “not good enough” can be passed down through generations of self-doubters, or it can be cast by people who are threatened by your power and success. Overcoming the spell of self-doubt will require you to become very familiar with your own capabilities while also seeking out positive role models who have pushed through these negative self-perceptions to find the life they deserve.