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Another relationship has bitten the dust. You’ve gone through this before, but somehow, each rejection feels uniquely painful. Sure, when you look at the connection from a distance, it’s easy to see that it was mediocre at best and that your tenuous attachment was rooted in some deeply unhealthy pattern that compels you to seek approval from men incapable of appreciating you. But pain is pain! Here are a few ways to pull yourself together after the relationship that never actually made you that happy anyway is through.
Your dude was a dud. That much is clear. (He broke up with you, didn’t he?) But even as your logical side understands this and wants you to suck it up and move on, your emotional side wants you to cry everywhere and at all times. In bed listening to the rain fall on the roof. In the shower while you stand with your face beneath the water. In front of the coffee machine at work, waiting for your bitter liquid to pour through. Sometimes, you will give in, but mostly you will not. Still, it’s a good idea to strategically position 18 boxes of Kleenex around you, even if just to remind yourself that any tears you lose over the dud can be instantly dried with something that will nourish you much more than he ever did, like these fragrance-free lotion tissues infused with pure aloe and vitamin E to soothe tender skin and hearts.
Dry your tears.
Kleenex Lotion Facial Tissues With Aloe & Vitamin E
A lot is going on right now. There’s a grey cloud so thick around you that you’re choking on it like smoke. That’s okay. Breathe easier with this good-looking wood grain diffuser and humidifier, which will allow you to add moisture to an air-conditioned room or fill your senses with a calming fragrance, like lavender. It comes with four time-setting modes (one hour, three hours, six hours, and continuous), two mist options (strong and standard), and 14 color options (seven soothing LED lights, each with a dim and bright option). The aroma diffuser can last from six to eight hours, which, incidentally, is the same amount of time you stayed in bed after he said the words, “I have never loved you.”
Humidifier and Essential Oil Diffuser
According to aromatherapy proponents, orange oil can help bring on emotional balance and a positive outlook, lavender oil can ease stress, and peppermint oil can relieve muscle aches and pains. Even if the claims aren’t really borne out in scientific research, these essential oils are cruelty-free, unlike your ex, and do not contain parabens, so feel free to take a big whiff.
Comfort your senses.
ArtNaturals Aromatherapy Top 8 Essential Oils Pack
Rose oil—seemingly the Louis Vuitton of essential oils, since we haven’t often seen it included in the sets—can supposedly help during times of grief. Placebo effect or not, if it makes you feel nice, it can’t hurt to try, right? It’s a bit pricey, but you deserve luxury right now. Consider it a compressed version of all the roses your ex never bought you.
Stop and smell the essential rose oil.
Gya Labs Rose Otto Essential Oil
The pain is real, and it isn’t going away anytime soon. As you ride it out, don’t forget to write it out—in a journal, perhaps like this antique, leather-bound one. Try writing a redemptive narrative in third person about the split, which some research suggests can help ease the breakup blues. This handcrafted notebook is made of recycled cotton that is acid-free and tree-free, meaning you can feel better about not harming the environment, even if you feel terrible about everything else.
Write it out.
Antique Handmade Leather Bound Journal
Take a deep dive into attachment theory with Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep— Love and begin discussing loudly at coffee shops why your relationship failed. Was it your anxious attachment style that clashed with your ex’s avoidant one? Your pals are all ears, and you suspect everyone around you is equally captivated.
Play armchair psychologist.
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment
When your real friends inevitably stop wanting to hear your theories about why your ex is incapable of true intimacy, there is Friends. Go grab the Cheetos!
Watch all ten seasons of Friends.
Friends: The Complete Series Box Set
How does it sound to “Breathe Into Mindfulness & Inner Peace”? Good, right? That’s precisely what you’ll be doing in this meditation, guided by Dhanpal-Donna Quesada. Album tracks include “Emptiness (Let Go),” “Eternal Light (feat. Guru Singh),” and “Deep Relaxation (feat. AJ Oliveira).” Where can you sign up?
Guided Meditations: Breathe Into Mindfulness & Inner Peace
As we’ve already established, sometimes you will give in—specifically when you are facedown in a dimly lit room as a gentle, disembodied voice instructs you to “honor your body and your mind.” At yoga class, you can sink deeper into the pose while supported by this green yoga mat that’s free from PVC, EVA, and any other synthetic materials. (Yoga instructor and life coach Keri Kugler chose this as her top everyday-use yoga mat.) You won’t know until it’s too late, but a stranger telling you that “whatever you’re thinking is exactly as it should be” and “you’re absolutely perfect just the way you are” will come as a gut punch of tenderness. You’ll have to hold your breath, lest you explode into one million tiny pieces with the shattering realization that this is what it feels like to receive love.
Cry like a baby in child's pose.
Jade Travel Yoga Mat
Smell is powerful because of the way it can evoke memory, bringing us back vividly to an emotional state that we experienced even decades ago. One scene from the 2001 romantic comedy Someone Like You shows Ashley Judd’s character in the aftermath of a difficult breakup, crying in a doctor’s office and pleading to have her amygdala—part of the brain linked to smell and memory—removed, so that she can stop being overcome by pain when a particular combination of scents reminds her of her ex. Not being able to get someone off your mind can make you feel broken and angry and like the simplest solution would just be to do something to your brain. It’s such a compelling solution that it became the premise of the 2004 movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Watch it and you’ll see why the problem isn’t so easily solved. (You’ll need one of your boxes of Kleenex for this.)
Heed a cautionary tale.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
For a number of reasons involving human biology, eating large quantities of fat and sugar, mixed with just the right amount of salt, can set off a party in your brain. Just think: a warm, gooey peanut butter chocolate chip cookie. Can you feel the weight of it in the palm of your hand? See the way the melted chocolate glistens inside as the cookie breaks apart between your fingers? Taste its salty sweetness? You’re salivating. You need this. Buy some Jif Creamy Peanut Butter and bake yourself a batch. Don’t forget the ice-cold milk.
Eat a decadent comfort food.
Jif Creamy Peanut Butter Twin Pack
Unfortunately, you can’t eat cookies forever. But that doesn’t mean you can’t keep a nice, warm, decadent-feeling dish as part of your daily noms. Enter Kodiak Cakes, makers of a whole list of items that will make you feel like you’re being served a warm pancake breakfast at your grandmother’s farm, but with a healthier, protein-packed spin. One of the HealthyWay readers recommends the Almond Poppyseed pancakes with some lemon extract added in for a delicious twist, but maybe you’ll prefer to start with the basic buttermilk. Top with softened butter and maple syrup for a real, down-home flavor.
Then, switch to a healthier comfort food.
Kodiak Cakes Protein Pancake Power Cakes
Eating leafy greens every day is important for your health and energy, and it doesn’t have to be difficult or unenjoyable. Find a number of salad recipes that you absolutely love, purchase a quality salad spinner like the OXO Good Grips Salad Spinner, and give those greens a spin!
In fact, add a salad to your daily routine.
OXO Good Grips Salad Spinner
Exercise is great for your body and your mind, according to a whole lot of research. Move your body regularly in such a way that it makes your pores cry and your lungs work overtime. Doing this can help you get over your breakup by making you happier and better able to deal with stress. There’s also evidence to support that exercise can help with addiction, which should aid you in stopping that obsessive checking of your former SO’s Instagram account. Whether it’s lifting weights, walking, running, using resistance bands, or paddling furiously, just do it. If it’ll help you focus, get this fitness tracker and monitor your progress.
LETSCOM Fitness Tracker
Foam rolling is a manual massage technique that focuses on pain believed to originate in the fascia, which is the connective tissue that binds together different body structures, like muscle. Rolling out your tension can be super relaxing or super painful, but the consensus among fitness experts and physical therapists seems to be that it’s an effective way to speed the healing of injuries, improve flexibility and muscle performance, and manage soreness. Watch these instructional videos, roll around until you find a tender spot, then hang out.
TriggerPoint CORE Multi-Density Solid Foam Roller
We can’t speak to the effectiveness of zen gardens, but they look cool. This one comes with a candle! Plus, endlessly raking some stones around a tiny bit of sand might provide a good distraction from the deep well of sadness within you, or, as the product description puts it, “a serenely scenic escape from the everyday.” Sure!
Rake away sadness.
Small Tabletop Zen Garden Kit
Yes, that’s right. The Post-Breakup Major Hair Change is a rite of passage, and even if it is a temporary blue dye, it counts. You can feel even better about your impulsive decision because this Arctic Fox Semi Permanent Hair Color is vegan and 15 percent of the manufacturer’s profits are donated to help fight against animal cruelty.
Do something crazy to your hair.
Arctic Fox Semi Permanent Hair Color
By the looks of the reviews for The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change, it has reached classic status among self-help books. On Amazon alone, the book has received a 4.5 out of 5 from 5,181 customer reviews, and on goodreads, 376,573 ratings have earned it a 4.1 out of 5. In it, author Stephen R. Covey condenses lessons mere mortals can learn from those who are better at living. The 7 Habits have apparently “transformed” presidents, CEOs, educators, parents, and students, so maybe it will help you get out of bed tomorrow.
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change
You deserve to feel sexy, and sometimes being sexy means buying yourself a reasonably priced, suspiciously sourced (we’re scratching our heads a bit on the name Bluewhalebaby for an underwear brand) bra and panty set. Put them on for no one, hang out in your room with a scented candle, and drink a bottle of something sweet while pretending to be in a Drake music video.
Buy some fancy underwear.
Embroidery Lace Bra & Panty Set
Then again, you’ve had it with uncomfortable undergarments, the kind that ride up into your crevices and give you infections, all for what? So your boyfriend could ignore them and continue playing Fortnite? Enough. Stock up on beautiful, breathable cotton.
More importantly, buy some comfortable underwear.
Soft Cotton Panties With Lace Trim
Try to believe in love again, even if only for the 96-minute duration of When Harry Met Sally, a classic movie about friendship and romance.
Lose yourself in a romcom.
When Harry Met Sally
While time spent in solitude and reflection are important to the healing process that must take place after a relationship comes to an end, there is such a thing as too much alone time. Once you’ve mourned for a week or two in privacy, it’s time to open your home to some friends who can help you take your mind off being sad. For a fun throwback to your youth, plan an adult tea party. Make some cucumber dill sandwiches and brightly colored cookies. Wear pearls. Go all out and serve everything on authentic tea dishes, like this porcelain British Royal Series set.
Invite your friends over for tea.
Porcelain Tea Set, British Royal Series
This candle is supposed to help attract love to you. The product description says that rose, patchouli, olive oil, clove, lavender, and dragon’s blood essential oils are all part of its magic. “May love enter my life and fill my heart and soul,” reads the label. “May the magic of love always inspire me to radiate warmth and caring to all those who touch my life.” Reiki is a system of alternative medicine involving the laying on of hands by a practitioner who is believed to be able to promote healing through balancing vital energy fields in the body. If you’re not completely sold on this concept, not to worry. “Reiki is not dependent on your spiritual orientation or intellect or belief,” the product description assures us. “It just is and works whether you believe in it or not. So give the candles a try. You have everything to gain from the experience and only negative energy to lose, a win-win proposition.” A win-win proposition, indeed.
Burn a magic Reiki charged love candle.
Herbal Magic Reiki Charged Candle
According to the American Art Therapy Association, “Art therapy is an integrative mental health and human services profession that enriches the lives of individuals, families, and communities through active art-making, creative process, applied psychological theory, and human experience within a psychotherapeutic relationship” and can “improve cognitive and sensorimotor functions, foster self-esteem and self-awareness, cultivate emotional resilience, promote insight, enhance social skills, reduce and resolve conflicts and distress, and advance societal and ecological change.” All of that sounds good! One caveat is that it has to be facilitated by a professional art therapist, but certainly that summer you spent as a camp counselor/craft leader should prepare you to dig deep within yourself as you dig into some oil paints.
Try art therapy.
Basic 10 Oil Color Set
Boxing is a great way to cycle through some of your aggressive energy. You also get to punch things! These training gloves are made with impact protection foam and a longitudinal arch design that’s created to fit your hand’s natural curve so that you can close your fist properly while beating that punching bag like it’s the specter of every failed relationship in your adult life.
Gel Boxing Training Gloves
As the great Beyoncé once said, “Hold out your back, time to impress/Pull out your freakum dress.” The “freakum dress” is really just shorthand for “your newfound resolve to present yourself with the shine you deserve” (a less exciting track), which means something different for everyone. For you, it might mean dropping some serious cash on a mani-pedi-massage and a sleek dress that will hug your body like no one has in the past four months. But the polished life need not be endlessly expensive. Figure out which services are eating the biggest chunk of your savings and see if you can’t do them differently, or yourself. Since the mani-pedi remains a costly and ethically murky luxury of questionable safety, you might as well become your own cuticle queen. Get yourself this 100 percent stainless steel, 10-piece manicure set and paint your nails black. Rawr!
Keep yourself polished.
10 Piece Stainless Steel Manicure Kit
Not only is coffee a natural pain reliever (all the better for the pain in your chest), but it can give you the energy and motivation you need to continue on with your day, even as intense loneliness threatens to overwhelm you. Enjoy the bold strength of the brew made in this Original Bialetti Moka Express One-Cup Stovetop Espresso Maker (one cup because you are drinking coffee alone), made in Italy.
Drink a nice cup of joe.
Stovetop Espresso Maker
Speaking of Italy, why don’t you just go there? You and your ex always talked about visiting Venice together, sharing a picnic in a gondola. That dream is dead now. This lovely suitcase is made of 100 percent polycarbonate, making it highly resistant to cracking or breaking, unlike your heart. Book your flight now. Buon viaggio!
Plan a trip.
Hard Case Spinner Suitcase, Peony Pink
Instead of staying in your apartment for days eating ramen, stay in your apartment for days making pasta by hand. You will acquire a new hobby and feel better about yourself for having created something beautiful and delicious. Perfect your skill in Italy and return a changed woman.
Make your own pasta by hand.
Pasta Machine, Made in Italy
Learn a foreign language.
Beginner Through Advanced Course, Italian
You were always a little embarrassed by the prospect of building a literal shrine to your hopes and dreams, but your friend who has been a longtime vision board devotee just moved to Paris, where she manifested the love of her life, so maybe you should give it a try?
Manifest a better lover.
Catalina Printed Cork Board
To counteract some of that “I’ve been crying every day for a week” puffiness, treat yourself to a quality eye cream. This one contains anti-wrinkle peptides, vitamin C, hyaluronic acid, and caffeine to help the appearance of dark circles, eye bags, puffiness, wrinkles, and crow’s feet. The product promises to give you the kind of peepers that are “inspiring and hard to turn away from.” Yes. That, please.
Invest in a good eye cream.
Organys Eye Cream
When you can’t get out into nature, bring the nature to you. If you’re having trouble sleeping or the silence of your new single life is deafening, give a listen to these relaxing sounds, including “calming mountain stream,” “calming ocean waves,” “tranquil guitar,” and “calming rain.”
Drown out the noise in your head—or the endless silence of being alone.
Relaxing Nature Sounds 4 CD Set
No, this is not a spiritual or sci-fi intervention, just some really good body lotion. It contains ceramides to help restore the skin’s protective layer, while exfoliating and moisturizing with lactic acid, salicylic acid, hyaluronic acid, and vitamin D.
Renew your entire body.
CeraVe SA Renewing Lotion
It’s time to part with the souvenirs of your love—things he left at your place, things he bought for you, things that remind you of him. Whether or not you actually put these items into the garbage, donate them to goodwill, or return them to him are up to you, and, of course, depend on how the two of you left things. Whatever you decide, put the things in a bag and store them out of sight until you can figure it out.
Throw out his stuff.
Glad Tall Drawstring Trashbags
Clear out all that bad energy for a fresh start.
Sage your house.
White Sage Smudge Sticks With Stand
Mornings before were spent paying attention to your boo, even though he rarely returned this attention—if you catch our drift—but now that you have an extra 10 minutes in your schedule, you can finally master the perfect omelette. For this, you will need a nonstick skillet, like this one with a quantanium nonstick interior reinforced with titanium. Here you come, gruyere!
Master the perfect omelette.
12-Inch Skillet With Glass Cover
Okay, so this is actually a more sophisticated version of the Snuggie—a Snuggie for polished ladies, if you will—but the fact remains that this fleece wearable throw is a good replacement for your ex, whose best quality toward the end of your relationship was that he was a warm body to lie stiffly next to during the coldest part of the year. Designed with a built-in pocket and length that allows you to wrap it around your feet, this sleeved blanket will keep your feet warm while always carrying snacks, which, come to think of it, is also an accurate description of your ex.
Replace your boyfriend with a Snuggie.
Premium Fleece Blanket With Sleeves
Beyond serving as an embellishment to any room, a beautiful plant can improve your mood and the quality of your air. Go pick out some blooms and put them in an elegant vase, like this one made of delicate crystal (and made in Italy—it’s a sign!).
Buy yourself flowers.
One morning soon, you’ll wake up and remember life before your ex. You’ll think of that thing you used to enjoy before your miserable relationship put out the light inside you. Singing in the shower, for example. You used to love singing in the shower! Bring it back with this waterproof bluetooth radio, and don’t let anyone tell you ever again that you’re too loud.
Sing in the shower.
Bluetooth Portable Waterproof Shower Radio