Do You Have Superwoman Syndrome?

Superwomen are amazingly fabulous women who love deeply, give generously, and have a tremendous need for belonging and love. Learning to receive, follow, and express their authentic self can heal this need for freakish control.

June 30, 2015
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Many of us are superwomen; We are the women who feel and desire to live up to the expectations and pressures to do it all. We are the women who work hard and are totally dedicated to juggling multiple roles in lives: careers, marriages, family, and friends.

We are women hear us roar! We can do it all!

It can feel amazing to be successful and needed, and there’s a great sense of satisfaction and happiness associated with being able to do it all.  On the flip side, being a superwoman can cause feelings of being overworked, overwhelmed with life, stressed, alone, and at times even depressed.

Does any of this sound like you? I am here to admit I am a superwoman, and I am not perfect. If you’re still debating, let’s get a little deeper into the characteristics of a true superwoman.

Being a Perfectionist: Superwomen desire to be seen as “good” inside and out. They strive for perfection in how they look, speak and perform in an effort to be seen as good enough. Being judged as good is important for their sense of worth.  People-pleasing is often a habit because being liked is vital to a superwoman’s reputation and to them internally.  A superwoman needs to feel loved and that they fit in.

How do we fix this? We superwomen need to first take time to love ourselves and base our self-worth on actually liking ourselves first and foremost. We need to realize that, hey, we are still loved and appreciated even when we are doing nothing at all.

Recognition is Your Drug: Accomplishments bring recognition, and for superwomen, recognition is the drug of choice. The more we achieve, the more recognition we receive, the more we want to achieve. It’s a vicious cycle.

Once more, superwomen need to practice being loved without depending on someone else’s approval. We need to be proud of who we are, and what we do, this should be enough.

Control Freak: Asking for help for superwomen doesn’t happen often. This I know firsthand. Why is this? Why can’t we allow others to help us?  This can come from a fear that no one can do it better than we can.  That leaves us with having too little trust to give up any control and allow others to help.  It can also come from guilt or a sense of failure of not being able to do something on our own.

We can start to resolve this simply by asking others to help, and to trust that they will get it done. It’s all about letting go of control, and trusting in the process, in yourself, and those around you.

Just Say NO: Superwomen are afraid that if they say NO they will not be wanted or liked. Saying NO may make another person angry or upset, and this is not a good feeling for us superwomen. We over-function as way to control conflict.

We superwomen must learn to say NO. We  must learn to share what we want and what we don’t want with those around us.

Over Driven: There is no accomplishment that is too big or to small; we will go for it, complete it, and strive for more. Superwomen are driven to be the best business owners and employees, best friends, best moms and best wives. I’m exhausted just thinking about it all.

We need to learn how to just “be.” If this is as hard for you as it is for me, I feel your pain.  To just be, I’d have to be whisked off to a far off destination that includes a beach and no Wi-Fi, zero connection with the world.

Let the Walls Down: Superwomen may appear confident, but there are secret insecurities. Superwomen tend to feel loved only when performing and being perfect. We have a difficult time asking for help and speaking our true feelings. We control our lives through staying in our own minds and needing to be in control. Does any of this sound familiar? It can be difficult for loved ones to love a superwoman because she sees vulnerability and surrender as a loss of control.

How do we fix this? We superwomen need to learn to surrender control and express our feelings That means everything ladies – sadness, anger, exhaustion, confusion, fear, happiness, love, joy, the whole gamut! This will help those around you to better understand what it is you are needing and to be able to meet your needs. This will allow others to love and support you fully and completely.

Difficulty Receiving: Giving keeps us superwomen in a position of power which we equate to control. However, if we are always giving, then it’s not possible to feel appreciated enough, which causes us to often times see everyone as coming up short. This can create chronic conflict in relationships because no one can feel they measure up to our superwoman expectations.

We need to remind ourselves how good it feels to give.  There is often guilt associated with receiving, which comes down to worth, and so what better way to learn self-love than to learn to receive? Can I get an Amen!

Superwomen are amazingly fabulous women who love deeply, give generously, and have a tremendous need for belonging and love. Learning to receive, follow and express their authentic self can heal this need for freakish control.

Do you know why you have a need for so much control? Superwomen controls mostly because of being afraid things will fall apart and she will shatter. Take a minute to ponder that one.  It is great to be and feel successful, needed and appreciated, and it is equally as important to learn to just be, to receive, and to be able to follow rather than lead.

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