If you could see my room right now, you would judge me.
It's almost 10 p.m., and I'm sitting on an unmade bed surrounded by four notebooks, two cups, chocolate truffles, various paper scraps (why?), and a package of smoked sausages.
On every surface or corner, there are clothes: clean clothes drying on a rack, dirty clothes that I hope(d) to re-wear thrown on the floor and over chairs, clothes that are still sandy from the beach hanging limp from wooden knobs, clothes piled on other clothes so I'm not sure what they are.
There's an ironing board, boxes, a trash bag full of clothes I meant to give away when I started (but never finished) spring cleaning in May. There are boxes of unopened toothpaste, books, some old posters I got for free at a museum exhibit maybe a year ago, bags, binders, makeup, lotions, all of the dust. Crumbs. Tiny insects.
And the receipts. Oh sweet Lord, the receipts. How are there so many?
Imagine taking the contents of a big wooden office desk (the kind filled with file folders and little trinkets like paper clips, erasers from the 1990s, and sticky tack) and just dumping it all out into a pile. There. That's my room.
Maybe this sounds romantic to you, as you read this from far away, perhaps in an organized space that seems to you predictable and anesthetized. I assure you that it is not.
It's true that there is some evidence suggesting a link between disorganization, intelligence, and creativity, but who gives a damn? The trope of the messy genius is not going to help me pay my rent on time, and I'm tired of smashing tiny spiders between my thumb and forefinger.
Besides, the messiness may be about something else entirely. "Excessive clutter and disorganization are often symptoms of a bigger health problem," wrote the New York Times "Well" columnist in 2008.
"People who have suffered an emotional trauma or a brain injury often find housecleaning an insurmountable task. Attention deficit disorder, depression, chronic
An equally compelling theory is that I am lazy and irresponsible. Whatever the case, I have come to accept in recent years just how connected my mental and living spaces are and that when one is out of order the other soon follows.
Since we know that habits are the basis of change and that one change can have a domino effect setting off other similar changes, let's try, together, to get this one thing right: cleaning.
We both know I need this more than you do. But imagine if you could stop wasting time with bogus life hacks and instead get insider tips from the professionals. Who better to teach us (me) about cleaning than the people who do it for a living?
Join me in learning about these seven truly astounding housekeeping hacks, as shared by the pros.
Clean with your socks.
The problem: Your tile and hardwood floors are always a dusty mess.
The solution: Wear microfiber socks, which capture dirt and dust, around the house. Sonya Joseph, owner of Solutions by Sonya, tells Glamour that she wears them whenever she's walking around her home.
She has multiple pairs so that she can switch them out when she needs to.
"I might only wear them for a couple hours, but all the dust in the house sticks to my socks and I just toss them in the laundry," she explains. "And my floors feel clean and tidy all week long."
Fix stuff with mayonnaise.
The problem: Your bedside table has water rings, or there's a sticker on something that won't come off.
All you need to do is to put a quarter-size dollop of the creamy condiment on a clean cloth, which you'll use to buff the surface until the stains are gone.
As for the stickers, Debra Johnson from Merry Maids tells Refinery29 has another useful tip.
The key to their removal is to take a half a cup of Hellmann's (or whatever), slather it over the sticker completely, and let the thing sit overnight.
In the morning, the sticker will peel away easily and you can wash the item. (But wouldn't that be funny if you just left it covered in mayo?)
Wash your blender by...blending.
The problem: Hand-washing blender blades
The solution: HomeZada
"Put a little soap and water into your blender and with the lid on, turn the blender on," she says.
"You will see the blender clean in front of your eyes. Now rinse and let your blender pieces dry. No cuts!"
Use your morning tea to make your bathroom mirror sparkle.
The problem: Your bathroom mirror looks like it's had tiny particles of food and spit hurled its way on the regular. Because it has.
The solution: Let the last couple swallows of your English Breakfast do some shining action.
"Black tea and the tannin acid in it are your best friends when it comes to cleaning your bathroom mirror," Go Cleaners London housekeeper Harriet Jones tells Glamour.
"Brew a pot and use a clean cloth to wipe it over
Hide dust with books.
The problem: Dusting, like life, can be boring and hard and often feel pointless.
The solution: Don't do it (dusting, that is)!
Certified professional organizer Amy Trager tells Glamour that putting books on the edge of your shelves will cut down on the amount of dusting you have to do.
"Not only does it look great, but this style doesn't allow dust to accumulate on the shelves in front of the books," she says. "It settles behind the books, but no one ever sees that. Less dusting!"
Clean your toilet bowl with denture tablets.
The problem: Toilet bowls are
The solution: Denture tablets (!!!) Who knew? (Apparently a lot of people, but whatever.) There are a couple of variations on this trick.
Option one is that you take a single denture tablet, plop it in the bowl, and let it do its fizzy thing before you flush the toilet. No scrubbing necessary.
Option two requires you to hold your bladder through the night. Before going to bed, put a denture tablet and one cup of white vinegar in the toilet bowl, allowing the mixture to sit overnight before you scrub and flush.
Which option you choose will likely
We're ready to get it together with these simple tips. How about you?